another hundred people... or long entry alert.

megan, megan baby, meggie darling, megs i need your advice....

well, this break has certainly been interesting, if nothing else. it was relaxing and refreshing, but it was also somewhat of an eye opener. one of the people i was in theatre with here at home just set the date for her wedding. HER WEDDING! now, i realize that this is out of the ordinary and there are specific circumstances for their setting the date, but it still makes me think. also this weekend, one of my friends at la salle picked up a boyfriend. she just broke up with her boyfriend, and not two months later, she's attached again. me? nothing on that front. believe me. that will garner quite the journal entry of either surprise or something like it. my son and i were talking about this subject this evening, as we tend to do, and we face similar dilemmas. we are both constantly told that we will find someone (which i don't doubt, it's just that it gets hard to believe sometimes), we constantly worry about it, and (to top it all off) we are both ridiculously picky. after my last relationship, i am aware of exactly what i want in the boyfriend category. i'm not going to list this here (it's not an ad, you know), but i do know. some things are completely void of words and description...i just know that it does exist.

to answer the question that people have asked me, yes i do have feelings for certain people, but all those men (i guess i'm dating men now...they should be over 18) are completely unavailable or unattainable for one reason or another. this would figure wouldn't it. i don't want to rush anything either...that's always bad. it's just that at the end of the day, i want someone to walk me home, kiss me goodnight, and possibly be there for me to curl up with at night. i also wish i could skip the part where there's the awkwardness, the first kiss, the first of many moments. i just want to skip to the comfort zone. i want to sit in bed with "him" and read or whatever and he can read or watch tv or whatever and we're just....there.

frequently on the weekends, at no fault of my friends, i'm beginning to feel like bobby in "company" (which i've become entranced by this weekend). i get invited to hang out, but it's everyone, their significant others...and me. there have been a number of times this year where i'm the only single one in the room...and every one is with their better half at that moment. they can't help this...they want to be with their person...it's just that i'm alone. people tell me that "you should be happy that you've had a big relationship already". what? does this mean that i'm done? i peaked at 20? that can't be good. just because i had a boyfriend for a long time and we broke up doesn't mean that i should have to walk through life alone. that's not fair. life isn't fair, i know. but still. that's painful.

today my mom and i were talking about life and my future (which came out of a conversation similar to the one above) and i mentioned my thoughts on going to the british isles after graduation to live for a while. maybe wait for grad school or go over there...maybe teach or work there. i dunno. but part of me really wants to go. i love england and maybe that's where my prince charming is hiding (god willing, his name is harry or william and a dead mother named diana). all those romantic comedies i like take place in england, so maybe that's where i'm destined to find true love. however, i'd rather find it here in philly.

"someone to hold me too close...someone to know me too well...someone to hurt me too deep...someone to someone to sit in my chair and ruin my sleep and make me aware of being alive." - company / stephen sondheim.

i'm peachy.