If my life were a movie, this would be the soundtrack...again (i've done this before).
How to do it:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc).
2. Put it on Shuffle.
3. Press Play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Be honest.
My life is a:Leather Jacket (Ben Folds)...I don't get it.
OPENING CREDITS
"Getting Married Today" - Company
(Right...this is a sick joke, yes?)
WAKING UP
"All the Wasted Time" - Parade
(I feel that way when I wake up, considering guilt is the feeling i feel when I sleep lately)
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
"I Have a Dream" - ABBA
(I guess I feel like I can dream on the FIRST day of school...)
FALLING IN LOVE
"Sarah Brown Eyes" - Ragtime
(That's my sisters name! Argh! But I have brown eyes..)
FIGHT SONG
"Once and For All" - Newsies
(I would choose this!)
BREAKING UP
"Rum Tum Tugger" - Cats
(good christ! enough soundtracks! but it's kinda cool...)
PROM
"Sentimental Guy" - Ben Folds
(sure...why not.)
LIFE IS GOOD
"One Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces" - Ben Folds
(Every Ben Folds is a "life is good" song for me)
MENTAL BREAKDOWN
"Defying Gravity" - Wicked
(Wicked probably will be playing near the time of my mental breakdown...)
DRIVING
"Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk" - Rufus Wainwright
(this is on my driving mix at home!)
FLASHBACK
"November" - from the cd that tom made me
(it's mellow...and "november HAS taken it's toll and if i know better, there's more to come")
GETTING BACK TOGETHER
"Rainbow Tour" - Evita
("The choice was mine and mine completely. I could have any prize that I desired"...yeah.)
WEDDING
"Take Me Home Tonight" - Eddie Money
(hmm. who am i marrying?)
FINAL BATTLE
"Jacks Lament" - The Nightmare Before Christmas
(I don't even try to think about these anymore...)
DEATH SCENE
"Journey to the Heavyside Layer" - Cats
(Most appropriate song thus far...and it only makes sense if you know the show)
FUNERAL SONG
"The Dance of the Robe" - Aida
(I could see this)
END CREDITS
"All You Can Eat" - Ben Folds
(Sweet...I do love lamenting about people I don't know)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I should try this with just soundtracks...not that I didn't already end up with a mainly soundtrack list.
stolen from Doug, who stole it from Amy, who stole it from Sara.
I'm peachy. and wholely unsatisfied with this list.
11.30.2006
11.28.2006
the summer of the soul's in december
sigh...i've been listening to christmas music now for two days...and only when i listen to it do i feel the christmas spirit.
i'm so busy. all i do is go to class, eat, and do homework. i don't get to hang out with my friends, except for at the table. when the show was occuring, i was busy, but i still got to hang out with my friends. i haven't seen some of the people from the show since the show ended. i haven't hung out with john or allison at all (which sucks). i feel like i'm getting left behind. people are moving on and moving up, and i feel like i'm actually going backwards. today at the eboard meeting i had a moment of self-loathing that actually came out in words. i said it outloud. i think they thought i was being overdramatic, but i definitly felt that way. I really want to get into The Philadelphia Story. Really bad. However, I don't have the best hopes. There are some really great actors in the Masque, and I just don't feel that I quite measure up. Maybe it's also because the part I want was played by Katharine Hepburn, and I can't imagine taking on that task.
I actually feel that my heart is heavier than usual. I have to remind myself to take normal sized breaths. I just feel overwhelmed in every aspect of my life.
I haven't flown solo for Christmas in years. This could be weird.
(2 bright spots: my music class is cancelled on friday and over break, amy, doug, val, and jess are going to "kidnap" me...although it's not really kidnapping since i have to know when they're doing it because of work.)
i'm peachy.
i'm so busy. all i do is go to class, eat, and do homework. i don't get to hang out with my friends, except for at the table. when the show was occuring, i was busy, but i still got to hang out with my friends. i haven't seen some of the people from the show since the show ended. i haven't hung out with john or allison at all (which sucks). i feel like i'm getting left behind. people are moving on and moving up, and i feel like i'm actually going backwards. today at the eboard meeting i had a moment of self-loathing that actually came out in words. i said it outloud. i think they thought i was being overdramatic, but i definitly felt that way. I really want to get into The Philadelphia Story. Really bad. However, I don't have the best hopes. There are some really great actors in the Masque, and I just don't feel that I quite measure up. Maybe it's also because the part I want was played by Katharine Hepburn, and I can't imagine taking on that task.
I actually feel that my heart is heavier than usual. I have to remind myself to take normal sized breaths. I just feel overwhelmed in every aspect of my life.
I haven't flown solo for Christmas in years. This could be weird.
(2 bright spots: my music class is cancelled on friday and over break, amy, doug, val, and jess are going to "kidnap" me...although it's not really kidnapping since i have to know when they're doing it because of work.)
i'm peachy.
11.22.2006
yellow ring.
i found the ring that george sent me as a joke this summer. i was a woman possessed. i'm not sure why i HAD to find it...but i did. it took 2 hours and i literally tore apart the room. i found some cool stuff though.
-septa token (score!)
-pictures from my high school shows.
-other jewelery
-jelly beans
-old makeup
-dance costumes
-my "john" box....eek.
-my old brain quest cards
-journals and notebooks from when i was little.
-a check for $1.17.
i'm rich.
i'm peachy.
-septa token (score!)
-pictures from my high school shows.
-other jewelery
-jelly beans
-old makeup
-dance costumes
-my "john" box....eek.
-my old brain quest cards
-journals and notebooks from when i was little.
-a check for $1.17.
i'm rich.
i'm peachy.
11.21.2006
i'll introduce her to my monkey.
i had a really good time yesterday watching friends. i just wanted to mention that.
tomorrow begins my least favorite mid year break: thanksgiving. i'm just not a fan. we're hosting an upwards of 25 people at my house. and i have all this stuff on my mind and i don't want to eat that much food...i just want to sit and think for a week.
the minute one starts falling away, the other steps up without knowing...then when i least expect it...he's back and ready for more. should i hold out, wait...not pursue anything...become a nun?
life is so weird.
sigh...
i'm peachy.
tomorrow begins my least favorite mid year break: thanksgiving. i'm just not a fan. we're hosting an upwards of 25 people at my house. and i have all this stuff on my mind and i don't want to eat that much food...i just want to sit and think for a week.
the minute one starts falling away, the other steps up without knowing...then when i least expect it...he's back and ready for more. should i hold out, wait...not pursue anything...become a nun?
life is so weird.
sigh...
i'm peachy.
11.19.2006
the best of all possible worlds.
well.
that was certainly an interesting show.
well.
that was certainly an interesting cast party.
well.
this is certainly turning out to be a VERY interesting year.
i wish i had more to write at this point, but the various things going on in my head are better left undiscussed, on this, such a public forum. i need to keep a lot of it to myself, or confide in someone close to me. if i don't, things will get too messy to deal with.
i am peachy though.
promise.
*title note: this song came on while i was walking away from basils this morning. it struck me as terribly ironic, considering.
that was certainly an interesting show.
well.
that was certainly an interesting cast party.
well.
this is certainly turning out to be a VERY interesting year.
i wish i had more to write at this point, but the various things going on in my head are better left undiscussed, on this, such a public forum. i need to keep a lot of it to myself, or confide in someone close to me. if i don't, things will get too messy to deal with.
i am peachy though.
promise.
*title note: this song came on while i was walking away from basils this morning. it struck me as terribly ironic, considering.
11.18.2006
roger dupree creates history!
tonight, history will be made in my little world.
first, i will have, for the first time since formal, all of my pillars of strength in one room. this sounds dumb, but i'm happiest when i'm around these friends, and some of them aren't at the school anymore, but they'll be here tonight. i think they know who they are.
second, i will host my first alumni event, with the help of the lovely tricia demeno. i'm really hoping some dinosaurs come out tonight and help me with my records work. the tree will be revealed and photo albums galore! i'm also planning on dressing very sassy tonight. :)
third, the cast party. inevitably, things happen at the cast parties. there's dancing, singing, loving, and such...it's a good time.
gotta finish what i can of the tree before tonight!!!
i'm peachy!
first, i will have, for the first time since formal, all of my pillars of strength in one room. this sounds dumb, but i'm happiest when i'm around these friends, and some of them aren't at the school anymore, but they'll be here tonight. i think they know who they are.
second, i will host my first alumni event, with the help of the lovely tricia demeno. i'm really hoping some dinosaurs come out tonight and help me with my records work. the tree will be revealed and photo albums galore! i'm also planning on dressing very sassy tonight. :)
third, the cast party. inevitably, things happen at the cast parties. there's dancing, singing, loving, and such...it's a good time.
gotta finish what i can of the tree before tonight!!!
i'm peachy!
11.16.2006
tick tick boom....therapy.
this is sort of how i feel about one of my issues. just insert my name where it says "susan" and a random male name where it says "jonathan".
SUSAN:
Are you saying we can't talk?
JONATHAN:
Are you saying we are not talking?
SUSAN:
What are you saying?
JONATHAN:
What are you saying?
I'm saying I feel bad, that you feel bad
About me feeling bad, about you feeling bad
About what I said, about what you said
About me not being able to share a feeling
SUSAN:
If I thought that what you thought
Was that I hadn't thought about sharing my thoughts
Then my reaction to your reaction
To my reaction
Would have been more revealing
JONATHAN:
I was afraid that you'd be afraid
If I told you that I was afraid of intimacy
If you don't have a problem with my problem
Maybe the problem is simply co-dependency
SUSAN:
Yes I know that now you know
That I didn't know that you didn't know
That when I said "No"
I meant "Yes, I know"
And that now I know that you knew
That you knew you adored me
JONATHAN:
I was wrong to
SUSAN:
Say you were wrong to
JONATHAN:
Say I was wrong about
SUSAN:
You being wrong
JONATHAN:
When you meant to say that
SUSAN:
The ring was the wrong thing to bring
JONATHAN:
If I meant what I said
When I said rings bore me
JONATHAN AND SUSAN:
I'm not mad that you got mad that I got mad
When you said I should go drop dead
JONATHAN:
If I were you when I'd done what I'd done
And I'd do what you did when I gave you the ring
Having said what I said
JONATHAN:
I feel bad, that you feel bad
About me feeling bad, about you feeling bad
About what I said, about what you said
About me not being able to share a feeling
I thought you're gonna reacted shallowly
When I reacted to you
I'm not mad
You got mad
Go drop dead
If I were you when I'd done what I'd done
And I'd do what you did when I gave you the ring
Having said what I said
SUSAN:
I feel badly about you
Feeling badly about me
Feel badly about you
If I thought that what you thought
Was that I hadn't thought about sharing my thoughts
Then my reaction to your reaction
To my reaction
Would have been more revealing
I'm not mad that you got mad that I got mad
When you said I should go drop dead
If I were you
But I'm not you
Said what I said
JONATHAN:
BUt now it's out in the open
SUSAN:
Now it's off our chest
JONATHAN AND SUSAN:
Now it's four am
And we have therapy tomorrow
It's too late to screw
So lets just get some rest
SUSAN:
Are you saying we can't talk?
JONATHAN:
Are you saying we are not talking?
SUSAN:
What are you saying?
JONATHAN:
What are you saying?
I'm saying I feel bad, that you feel bad
About me feeling bad, about you feeling bad
About what I said, about what you said
About me not being able to share a feeling
SUSAN:
If I thought that what you thought
Was that I hadn't thought about sharing my thoughts
Then my reaction to your reaction
To my reaction
Would have been more revealing
JONATHAN:
I was afraid that you'd be afraid
If I told you that I was afraid of intimacy
If you don't have a problem with my problem
Maybe the problem is simply co-dependency
SUSAN:
Yes I know that now you know
That I didn't know that you didn't know
That when I said "No"
I meant "Yes, I know"
And that now I know that you knew
That you knew you adored me
JONATHAN:
I was wrong to
SUSAN:
Say you were wrong to
JONATHAN:
Say I was wrong about
SUSAN:
You being wrong
JONATHAN:
When you meant to say that
SUSAN:
The ring was the wrong thing to bring
JONATHAN:
If I meant what I said
When I said rings bore me
JONATHAN AND SUSAN:
I'm not mad that you got mad that I got mad
When you said I should go drop dead
JONATHAN:
If I were you when I'd done what I'd done
And I'd do what you did when I gave you the ring
Having said what I said
JONATHAN:
I feel bad, that you feel bad
About me feeling bad, about you feeling bad
About what I said, about what you said
About me not being able to share a feeling
I thought you're gonna reacted shallowly
When I reacted to you
I'm not mad
You got mad
Go drop dead
If I were you when I'd done what I'd done
And I'd do what you did when I gave you the ring
Having said what I said
SUSAN:
I feel badly about you
Feeling badly about me
Feel badly about you
If I thought that what you thought
Was that I hadn't thought about sharing my thoughts
Then my reaction to your reaction
To my reaction
Would have been more revealing
I'm not mad that you got mad that I got mad
When you said I should go drop dead
If I were you
But I'm not you
Said what I said
JONATHAN:
BUt now it's out in the open
SUSAN:
Now it's off our chest
JONATHAN AND SUSAN:
Now it's four am
And we have therapy tomorrow
It's too late to screw
So lets just get some rest
bad decision making at its finest!
i probably shouldn't be so honest with people about my feelings for them. it will probably bite me in the butt someday in the very near future. i wish things could be the way i want them, but they can't. but i think i'll be happy with the way that they could possibly end up too.
i always want exactly what i can't have when i can't have it. i could have had it this summer, but i kept pushing away. and not doing things i should have done. now, i feel stupid. go with your gut woman!
sigh.
i bought 'an american in paris' today. i already had the movie, but i wanted the music. the second movement is beautiful and almost sexual in a way. i love it.
i'm peachy.
i always want exactly what i can't have when i can't have it. i could have had it this summer, but i kept pushing away. and not doing things i should have done. now, i feel stupid. go with your gut woman!
sigh.
i bought 'an american in paris' today. i already had the movie, but i wanted the music. the second movement is beautiful and almost sexual in a way. i love it.
i'm peachy.
11.12.2006
procrastination inaction
right now i SHOULD be writing a paper for presidential politics...i got one page in a stopped. i couldn't think or write anymore. i have the information, i just can't form it into sentences. i'm constantly hungry and tired right now. but i tried to lay down and take a nap, but i just laid there, wide awake. so, i watched "father of the bride" for the billionth time since i bought it 2 months ago. i need to watch a new movie. but i end up just torturing myself with romantic comedies! sigh. my mom told me that my aunt wants to set me up with one of her nephews (technically her husband's nephew). he goes to messiah and apparently we have a number of interests. have i reached an age where my family worries about me dying alone? i'm only 20 (almost 21). as much as i worry about it, i don't believe i've reached the point where others should worry about it. besides, he goes to messiah...i don't think i could date someone who went to messiah.
i also spent some time looking at the tiffany's website again. i love that one ring. it's so pretty. i think i'll save my pennies and buy it for myself. it's just what i think a ring should be. i'm pathetic.
ok...back to the paper mill.
i'm peachy.
i also spent some time looking at the tiffany's website again. i love that one ring. it's so pretty. i think i'll save my pennies and buy it for myself. it's just what i think a ring should be. i'm pathetic.
ok...back to the paper mill.
i'm peachy.
11.11.2006
standing OOOOOO.
last night was pretty fantastic. the show went really well, and we even got a standing ovation, which is extremely gratifying, since we thought this show would flop. People love this stuff. the more i do this show, the more i like it. I can really ham it up in "murder, murder", i can whore it up in "bring on the men", and really sing in "facade". it makes me happy. everyone sounded great last night.
afterwards i hung out with EVERYONE. it was a really good night and it ended at 6:00, since i couldn't sleep once i left the townhouses. i had the apartment to myself, so i danced around and sang and staged fake little musicals. i'm the biggest nerd alive.
this year is turning out NOT to suck, although as we know, you can't change suck...so i guess it never sucked too much. i'm getting closer with my favorite people, especially george and amy, and i'm getting to know the great class of freshman.
i have to do work now. i REALLY do. to the library! to the beach! to the lally! to the allen! i miss summer.
i'm peachy.
afterwards i hung out with EVERYONE. it was a really good night and it ended at 6:00, since i couldn't sleep once i left the townhouses. i had the apartment to myself, so i danced around and sang and staged fake little musicals. i'm the biggest nerd alive.
this year is turning out NOT to suck, although as we know, you can't change suck...so i guess it never sucked too much. i'm getting closer with my favorite people, especially george and amy, and i'm getting to know the great class of freshman.
i have to do work now. i REALLY do. to the library! to the beach! to the lally! to the allen! i miss summer.
i'm peachy.
11.09.2006
should i?
there are a number of things i'm trying to decide right now.
should i be bummed that john is not coming to see 'jekyll and hyde'?
should i tell the person i like that i like him? (i'm getting mixed reviews on that one)
how should i ask my roommates about having a spaghetti dinner in our apartment?
i get nervous about asking number 2. i talked to george about it...i talked to megan about it. i got two TOTALLY different answers. thanks guys. i'm kidding, i'm grateful that they'll listen to me (or kidnap me into the boys bathroom so no one will eavesdrop), but it doesn't make my decision easier. sigh.
number 1 really makes sense. we haven't talked in a while. he's probably moved on and i sort of kinda have too. i also didn't go to his show....sooo....yeah.
for number 3, i should just grow a pair and say "hey guys, i'm having some people over and we're having pasta. we'll clean up and everything, we just need a night to unwind". sigh.
i sigh a lot lately.
now i'm going to talk to people online and listen to the CD that tom made me. it should be amazing.
i'm peachy...sorta.
should i be bummed that john is not coming to see 'jekyll and hyde'?
should i tell the person i like that i like him? (i'm getting mixed reviews on that one)
how should i ask my roommates about having a spaghetti dinner in our apartment?
i get nervous about asking number 2. i talked to george about it...i talked to megan about it. i got two TOTALLY different answers. thanks guys. i'm kidding, i'm grateful that they'll listen to me (or kidnap me into the boys bathroom so no one will eavesdrop), but it doesn't make my decision easier. sigh.
number 1 really makes sense. we haven't talked in a while. he's probably moved on and i sort of kinda have too. i also didn't go to his show....sooo....yeah.
for number 3, i should just grow a pair and say "hey guys, i'm having some people over and we're having pasta. we'll clean up and everything, we just need a night to unwind". sigh.
i sigh a lot lately.
now i'm going to talk to people online and listen to the CD that tom made me. it should be amazing.
i'm peachy...sorta.
11.08.2006
hello little girl.
so, as i looked around today at all the other girls in their costumes, i couldn't help but be jealous. no, not because they have prettier dresses or better slut outfits. i even get to wear my kick ass newsie costume. i'm jealous because they all look like adults and i still look like a little girl. not just body wise (god knows i've tried my best with that), but in the face. i still look more or less the same as i did the day i got my braces off when i was 15. i'll be 21 in about a month. people can't believe that. they think i'm kidding. i'm feeling really down about the whole boy thing too. i don't think the boy i like likes me in that way. other people have told me otherwise, but i'm skeptical. also, if he does like me, i have a feeling that he won't show it anyway.
i'm getting less and less confident about my ability to 'woo'. i didn't have to work hard with the other boys i've dated. i was just myself and things happened. it hasn't been that long since i've had a boyfriend, but i just get frustrated when my friends have choices and i have nothing.
i want to be done with all this.
boo.
i'm peachy.
i'm getting less and less confident about my ability to 'woo'. i didn't have to work hard with the other boys i've dated. i was just myself and things happened. it hasn't been that long since i've had a boyfriend, but i just get frustrated when my friends have choices and i have nothing.
i want to be done with all this.
boo.
i'm peachy.
11.07.2006
updates galore!
update 1: my heat is fixed. woo!
update 2: the show is going pretty well.
update 3: i've given up on boys...for the time being. i just need to be there for my friends for now.
update 4: allison and john are awesome.
update 5: i'm exhausted and going to bed.
update 6: i'm stressed and i'm going crazy.
there you have it.
i'm peachy.
update 2: the show is going pretty well.
update 3: i've given up on boys...for the time being. i just need to be there for my friends for now.
update 4: allison and john are awesome.
update 5: i'm exhausted and going to bed.
update 6: i'm stressed and i'm going crazy.
there you have it.
i'm peachy.
11.06.2006
heat? who needs heat?
dear la salle.
you suck. for three weeks now, my roommates and i have been freezing our buns off because our heat is broken. we've sent in matinence request after matinence request and nothing has occured. i've been living like a hobo because there are nights that i just can't fathom returning to my igloo. i was warm for the first time last night...because i had my sheets, a blanket and 2 comforters...in addition to my warmest PJ's and a long sleeve shirt underneath it. i cannot get sick this week, but no matter how well i take care of myself, i will get sick because I HAVE NO HEAT! i paid a lot for this shitty box you call an apartment, and so did my roommates. it would be better to live off campus, but you were saved from that because my parents and i care about my safety, which is the only thing you have to offer me, housing wise.
no thanks whatso ever,
megan
i'm having my parents call today. diana just sent an email (the polite email, but if doesn't get a response today, she's sending the meanest email ever). this is ridiculous. i'll probably start being an official hobo somewhere if this doesn't get solved because i need my sleep and i need to not get sick. i don't even like to shower because i freeze the minute i step out and that will lead to a cold (no fears...i still take them...just sometimes at other people's houses).
i'm a frozen peach.
you suck. for three weeks now, my roommates and i have been freezing our buns off because our heat is broken. we've sent in matinence request after matinence request and nothing has occured. i've been living like a hobo because there are nights that i just can't fathom returning to my igloo. i was warm for the first time last night...because i had my sheets, a blanket and 2 comforters...in addition to my warmest PJ's and a long sleeve shirt underneath it. i cannot get sick this week, but no matter how well i take care of myself, i will get sick because I HAVE NO HEAT! i paid a lot for this shitty box you call an apartment, and so did my roommates. it would be better to live off campus, but you were saved from that because my parents and i care about my safety, which is the only thing you have to offer me, housing wise.
no thanks whatso ever,
megan
i'm having my parents call today. diana just sent an email (the polite email, but if doesn't get a response today, she's sending the meanest email ever). this is ridiculous. i'll probably start being an official hobo somewhere if this doesn't get solved because i need my sleep and i need to not get sick. i don't even like to shower because i freeze the minute i step out and that will lead to a cold (no fears...i still take them...just sometimes at other people's houses).
i'm a frozen peach.
11.02.2006
dun dun dunnnnnnnn....
so, on sunday last, i asked tom if he could call a special rehearsal to go over the dance for "bring on the men". i worried then that the girls in the cast, minus amy, would hate me if they found out that i had ASKED for it, so i only told melissa. well, the girls were actually happy to be there going over the piece. phew
on tuesday we met at 6:30 and i ran a warm-up, with the assistance of jo anna, because she knows the dance and her's is a little different than ours. after the warm up, we had a brief, but fruitful, lesson in walking in heels, because some mothers failed their daughters in that department (thanks mommy!). much better. then we ran the dance. GOOD LORD! i thought some things were lacking, but when i watched the dance, i was overwhelmed with corrections. so, as a team, we girls started to fix things, alter things, clean things up. I'M REALLY PROUD OF THE DANCERS IN THE SHOW. they worked really hard because they wanted this to work. now, there are still parts that i would love to fix. and one of the major people who didn't have a clue with the dance before is even more behind and it's driving me nuts. stop ruining our perfect dance!!!! so, in the end, although i yelled a lot and earned the nicknames mussolini / machiavelli from tom, and i probably made some girls feel really uncomfortable, it got done. i felt good about the dance, but i wish tom would stop bringing it up that i did a good job because that is not how i would have handled myself normally. frankly i'm a little embarrassed by my methods sometimes. i try really hard to be kind and nice to everyone as much as humanly possible, and to not complain about things (like costumes...if i hear anyone complain about a costume that they themselves did not make (whores are exempt as whores), i will injure them). but on tuesday i was kind of harsh and it's not like i have any real authority. tom just bestowed it on jo anna and i for a 2 hour block.
today, the "real" choreographer comes in. and she'll see her dance, completely altered. tom says that if she says anything, he'll take care of it. i hope she doesn't though, because we left 90% of the choreography alone and just changed formations. if she says anything, i'll probably cry. yeah...i'll definitly cry.
i'll probably cry today anyway because i feel overwhelmed and upset and alone. i have great friends but yet i still have this void in my heart for something. it's hard to fill a 2 and a half year void in 2 months. tomorrow should be good though, since i get to spend time with my friends...watching movies and such.
i'm peachy.
on tuesday we met at 6:30 and i ran a warm-up, with the assistance of jo anna, because she knows the dance and her's is a little different than ours. after the warm up, we had a brief, but fruitful, lesson in walking in heels, because some mothers failed their daughters in that department (thanks mommy!). much better. then we ran the dance. GOOD LORD! i thought some things were lacking, but when i watched the dance, i was overwhelmed with corrections. so, as a team, we girls started to fix things, alter things, clean things up. I'M REALLY PROUD OF THE DANCERS IN THE SHOW. they worked really hard because they wanted this to work. now, there are still parts that i would love to fix. and one of the major people who didn't have a clue with the dance before is even more behind and it's driving me nuts. stop ruining our perfect dance!!!! so, in the end, although i yelled a lot and earned the nicknames mussolini / machiavelli from tom, and i probably made some girls feel really uncomfortable, it got done. i felt good about the dance, but i wish tom would stop bringing it up that i did a good job because that is not how i would have handled myself normally. frankly i'm a little embarrassed by my methods sometimes. i try really hard to be kind and nice to everyone as much as humanly possible, and to not complain about things (like costumes...if i hear anyone complain about a costume that they themselves did not make (whores are exempt as whores), i will injure them). but on tuesday i was kind of harsh and it's not like i have any real authority. tom just bestowed it on jo anna and i for a 2 hour block.
today, the "real" choreographer comes in. and she'll see her dance, completely altered. tom says that if she says anything, he'll take care of it. i hope she doesn't though, because we left 90% of the choreography alone and just changed formations. if she says anything, i'll probably cry. yeah...i'll definitly cry.
i'll probably cry today anyway because i feel overwhelmed and upset and alone. i have great friends but yet i still have this void in my heart for something. it's hard to fill a 2 and a half year void in 2 months. tomorrow should be good though, since i get to spend time with my friends...watching movies and such.
i'm peachy.
11.01.2006
i thought i had kicked this...
no, not a drug habit, although my title does sound a little like i have a heroin problem. however, this feeling that i feel is sadness. i think i miss john again. i really thought i was past that point. we haven't talked in a while, mainly because the two of us are soo busy with shows and such. but his sister put up pictures from their brother's wedding and he looked so happy and handsome. my past always comes back to bite me in the ass. i think that's why i'm a history - type major, and historian of the masque. i just can't live in the present and move on.
argh. i really thought i was over this. i want to be. i want to move on for his sake and for mine. we need to move on. i should just keep saying it.
i don't even know what to say about the whole thing. i really hope i see MJ soon...she always knows what to do in these situations. she's magic...her and her husband. my magic friends.
i'm peachy...not really, but it's the sign off.
argh. i really thought i was over this. i want to be. i want to move on for his sake and for mine. we need to move on. i should just keep saying it.
i don't even know what to say about the whole thing. i really hope i see MJ soon...she always knows what to do in these situations. she's magic...her and her husband. my magic friends.
i'm peachy...not really, but it's the sign off.
busy little blogger
my blog has been quite busy today...mainly because i found some of my favorite gilda radner clips on youtube, while i was checking out the new videos my friends put up. enjoy below!
today was mainly work, meetings, and class. oh, yeah...and rehearsal, where i earned the nickname, "machiavelli" or "mussolini"...either way, they do not exactly express how i ran rehearsal. dance is the biggest area of confidence and when people don't listen to me because they think they know better (and they don't), i tend to yell. i yell a lot. i'm kinda tempermental. that's how you know you're my good friend...you've seen me fly off the handle.
ooo...my favorite song is on my itunes...oh elliott smith. 'say yes' can always take me back to freshman year...and graham rowe...and c-71. sigh. double sigh.
there are a couple of songs that no matter my mood, i can always listen to them. 'say yes' is one. 'martha my dear' is another.
-'honey, touch me'
-'mack the knife'
-'everybody loves you now'.
there are others i'm sure...
do you ever have one of those situations where you just want to be blunt and say what needs to be said, but you know if you say it, you'll regret it? yeah...i had one of those times today.
i was also flattered by dr. stowe today. only the people who know stowe would get this, but he came up to me in the union, and told me out of the blue that if i ever needed a letter of recommendation, he would like to write one for me. holy crap! that also helps, because i want to take grad classes in american history next year. :)
life can be frustrating, but rewarding.
"delicious ambiguity"....
i'm peachy.
today was mainly work, meetings, and class. oh, yeah...and rehearsal, where i earned the nickname, "machiavelli" or "mussolini"...either way, they do not exactly express how i ran rehearsal. dance is the biggest area of confidence and when people don't listen to me because they think they know better (and they don't), i tend to yell. i yell a lot. i'm kinda tempermental. that's how you know you're my good friend...you've seen me fly off the handle.
ooo...my favorite song is on my itunes...oh elliott smith. 'say yes' can always take me back to freshman year...and graham rowe...and c-71. sigh. double sigh.
there are a couple of songs that no matter my mood, i can always listen to them. 'say yes' is one. 'martha my dear' is another.
-'honey, touch me'
-'mack the knife'
-'everybody loves you now'.
there are others i'm sure...
do you ever have one of those situations where you just want to be blunt and say what needs to be said, but you know if you say it, you'll regret it? yeah...i had one of those times today.
i was also flattered by dr. stowe today. only the people who know stowe would get this, but he came up to me in the union, and told me out of the blue that if i ever needed a letter of recommendation, he would like to write one for me. holy crap! that also helps, because i want to take grad classes in american history next year. :)
life can be frustrating, but rewarding.
"delicious ambiguity"....
i'm peachy.
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