the summer of the soul's in december

sigh...i've been listening to christmas music now for two days...and only when i listen to it do i feel the christmas spirit.

i'm so busy. all i do is go to class, eat, and do homework. i don't get to hang out with my friends, except for at the table. when the show was occuring, i was busy, but i still got to hang out with my friends. i haven't seen some of the people from the show since the show ended. i haven't hung out with john or allison at all (which sucks). i feel like i'm getting left behind. people are moving on and moving up, and i feel like i'm actually going backwards. today at the eboard meeting i had a moment of self-loathing that actually came out in words. i said it outloud. i think they thought i was being overdramatic, but i definitly felt that way. I really want to get into The Philadelphia Story. Really bad. However, I don't have the best hopes. There are some really great actors in the Masque, and I just don't feel that I quite measure up. Maybe it's also because the part I want was played by Katharine Hepburn, and I can't imagine taking on that task.

I actually feel that my heart is heavier than usual. I have to remind myself to take normal sized breaths. I just feel overwhelmed in every aspect of my life.

I haven't flown solo for Christmas in years. This could be weird.

(2 bright spots: my music class is cancelled on friday and over break, amy, doug, val, and jess are going to "kidnap" me...although it's not really kidnapping since i have to know when they're doing it because of work.)

i'm peachy.