peer pressure

i'm sitting alone on a friday night after watching my friends go off with their significant others. so fill this out.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Peachy+Colleen

thanks.

the peach is a lonely hunter

hooray!

MY SISTER GOT THE LEAD IN THE EAST PENNSBORO PRODUCTION OF 'OUR TOWN'!!!! I honestly couldn't be happier right now. She always seems to get pushed to the side and FINALLY someone realized her talent and potential. I can't stop smiling at the moment.

But of course, it's the same weekend as closing weekend of Jekyll and Hyde. Well, I guess I'll just have to watch the tape.


the peach is a lonely hunter, but my sister is freaking awesome.

awake is the new sleep

so, i have insomnia this evening. it could have to do with the 3 and a half hour nap i took at 5:30. but it could also have to do with the things running through my head. i cannot quiet my thoughts and it's very annoying. i'm very tired. i really am. but everytime i close my eyes, i think about the same thing i've thought about for the last three years when i'm having trouble sleeping. it's over and i know that, but i guess i'm having trouble accepting it...but i do accept that it's over. i don't want to, but i do. i watched "that 70's show" earlier and it made me cry. that's not what it's supposed to do!

here are some other things that made me cry for no reason
1. hitch
2. seinfeld
3. the life aquatic with steve zissou
4. american revolution class
5. being alone
6. annie hall
7. when harry met sally..
8. my cell phone
9. common sense by thomas paine.

some i can explain, and others make no sense at all. i also want to be happy for my friends, because most of them have great significant others and i do pretend and i know that somewhere deep down in my heart i'm happy, but on the surface, i have a lot of trouble being happy for them. other people aren't having the best time of it and i don't want to pretend that i'm feeling the same way, even though i am. i just want to sleep right now and i can't and that sucks. i want to have someone to have sleep overs with during the week. i'm not saying romantically, but just that person that i can just come over and sleep over like i did at C-71. i really miss that era of my life. it was fun and spontaneous. now, everything has to be planned out weeks in advance or else it just doesn't work. maybe if i end up at the shore this weekend, that time there will make everything feel a little better for just a bit. i'm going to watch TV now. i don't want to be this person. i want me to be the old me. but i guess i can't have that anymore. megan, you're a dumbass.

i wonder if certain people read this anymore?

doubtful.

the peach is a lonely hunter.

awake is the new sleep

so, i have insomnia this evening. it could have to do with the 3 and a half hour nap i took at 5:30. but it could also have to do with the things running through my head. i cannot quiet my thoughts and it's very annoying. i'm very tired. i really am. but everytime i close my eyes, i think about the same thing i've thought about for the last three years when i'm having trouble sleeping. it's over and i know that, but i guess i'm having trouble accepting it...but i do accept that it's over. i don't want to, but i do. i watched "that 70's show" earlier and it made me cry. that's not what it's supposed to do!

here are some other things that made me cry for no reason
1. hitch
2. seinfeld
3. the life aquatic with steve zissou
4. american revolution class
5. being alone
6. annie hall
7. when harry met sally..
8. my cell phone
9. common sense by thomas paine.

some i can explain, and others make no sense at all. i also want to be happy for my friends, because most of them have great significant others and i do pretend and i know that somewhere deep down in my heart i'm happy, but on the surface, i have a lot of trouble being happy for them. other people aren't having the best time of it and i don't want to pretend that i'm feeling the same way, even though i am. i just want to sleep right now and i can't and that sucks. i want to have someone to have sleep overs with during the week. i'm not saying romantically, but just that person that i can just come over and sleep over like i did at C-71. i really miss that era of my life. it was fun and spontaneous. now, everything has to be planned out weeks in advance or else it just doesn't work. maybe if i end up at the shore this weekend, that time there will make everything feel a little better for just a bit. i'm going to watch TV now. i don't want to be this person. i want me to be the old me. but i guess i can't have that anymore. megan, you're a dumbass.

i wonder if certain people read this anymore?

doubtful.

the peach is a lonely hunter.

white and nerdy

some observations:

1. i feel destined to live my life as a cat lady. whikas anyone?

2. my masque child is observant and pretty much hit the nail on the head with his last blog post.

3. i will never outgrow weird al.

4. i forsee paying for mistakes i made in the not-so-recent past for the rest of my life.

5. this weekend has the potential for not sucking.

that is all.

the peach is a lonely hunter (my new standard sign off).

peanut butter cookies and iced tea.

so, no one showed up to my party this afternoon. i invited 23 of my gal pals and not one could show up. am i that pathetic? every second of every day it gets harder and harder to believe that things will get better. all of my roommates went away for the weekend, and what's worse is that one invited another to go home with her, but no one seems to care if i'm here alone for the weekend (i don't really want to go to their houses all that much, but it's the principle of the thing). the guys i have crushses on certainly do not have crushes on me and are going along their merry way without me. the only person that i've ever felt was my best friend doesn't want to talk to me for a while. everyone has too much work, or a boyfriend, or can legally drink and really can't spend time with me. i actually cried in history class on friday. sat at my desk and cried during a quiz. i honestly don't know what would make me happy. i had a good time last night with michele and my new friend maureen, i really did. but somehow i can't get out of this funk no matter what i do. this isn't even a funk anymore. it's something else entirely. well, whatever it is, i hate it.

usually when i say something is going wrong, or when i anticipate that something is going to suck, i'm usually proven wrong. however, in this case...i just keeps getting worse. i'm trying to be optimistic, i really am. my dad told me on the phone today that i should try and keep my chin up, but i out and out said that it's getting very hard to do that, no matter how many people tell me to keep my hopes up, keep my chin up, and my personal favorite (read i hate when people say this), "don't frown, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile". no one is falling in love with my anything.

i hope there's something going on that i can participate in tonight.

maybe god is mad at me. i don't know why me, but maybe. he only gives you what you can handle, but he's really pushing it right now.

i even made iced tea and cookies.

the peach is a very lonely hunter.

ps: the church across the street is having a service outside right now and i really don't care to hear what ever they're saying and screaming. it's annoying. i think this is why i stay catholic.

saturday night's alright...for some people.

i hate weekends. i know this makes me weird, but i do. i have for a while now. i used to have awesome weekends that i could look forward to every thursday or friday. now i sit in my apartment alone for hours watching TV, then i might go out...i might not. i usually come home early because i've been painfully reminded of how poopy i've made my personal life and that i'm alone. i miss last year. i want it to be october of last year. now. junior year sucks. i have nothing to look forward to anymore. the thing that makes me happiest is rehearsals for Jekyll and Hyde, and even those can be rough. i want to get away from la salle every weekend or so. i want to make pretzels, or mini pizzas or ramen and watch comedy central. i want to lay in bed on friday morning a little longer than everyone else and wake up and watch more TV, waiting for someone to come back, knowing that they'll come back. i want to watch movies and eat at mcdonalds and ride the subway. i want to have someone to ride the train home with and let me sleep because i feel safer sleeping when someone is there to watch me. i want to have someone other than my parents to call when something good or bad or indifferent happens to me. i want to have someone to talk online to until 4am about nothing more than trivial stuff. i want to smell the old smells. i want to feel that special feeling that i did last fall and last spring (until i went and screwed everything up). the way i acted last spring is my only regret in life. i no longer regret some old things. just that. i think about it all the time. everyday.

this entry was kinda personal, but i don't think many people read this anyway. i'm sick of being alone and i can't get over the past so i can get on with the future. i'm a sad mess. i really am.

i need something to look forward to. i need a new routine, according to sara. someone help me out with that (anyone).

the peach is still a lonely hunter.

the peach is a lonely hunter.

So, i watched the film classic "Casablanca" today. This is not the first time, so no one freak out on me. However, this was the first time I ever really enjoyed it and really understood why it's such a classic. it's funny, it was topical at the time, and it's soooo romantic. ridiculously so. i don't identify with the female lead very well. well, i sort of do, but i don't want to admit it. i don't feel that i've ever been in her situation, in love with two men. i did understand humphrey bogarts character well, because i feel as though i've done that to someone and i hate myself for it. no wonder the boys i know don't want to have anything thing to do with me romantically (although in 99% of the cases, thats fine...i don't like them that way either). i'm not trust worthy. after what i did last semester, who would want to give their heart to me. anthony suggested that when i'm ready to find someone, which i'm not really, i have to find someone NEW. someout outside the masque and my current group of friends. i plan on heeding this advice. i'm a real mess. i also watched "runaway bride" today and i do NOT want to be hurricane megan, who sweeps through all the guys she knows and hurts them. it looks as though i started that trend though. i suck.

to answer the question posed by billy crystal in 'when harry met sally...', i would have tried to stay with rick in casablanca. victor lazlo is boring and humphrey bogart is well...bogie. if i don't go out tonight, i'll probably end up watching annie hall and when harry met sally..., although it's probably a bad idea. sigh.

i'm peachy.

ps: remember...it's "play it for me sam...play as time goes by". not "play it again sam".

this has literally nothing to do with jekyll and hyde.

i'm done being a junior. this year is three weeks in and i hate it. literally nothing good has come out of these three weeks. not a thing. i also feel like there isn't thing one i can do about it. i feel as though i literally have no control over what happens in my life. i'm sick of being alone romantically when everyone that i spend my time with here is in a relationship. boys just don't look at me like that. i'm the little sister or the funny girl. not the attractive girl or the girl that they want to date. i know i'm young, but i'm surrounded by reasons to feel as though I'm behind. i went to a bar tonight with two guy friends. girls glared at me (god knows why) and guys just looked past me. it sucked. i hate this. i want to spend the weekend asleep.

would you like to buy an "O"?

my mama insisted on an update...and i guess she's right.

so, the first week of classes went well. a LOT of reading, but that's to be expected. i'm slowly getting used to my roommates routines, although in all honesty, part of me wishes that i still lived with michele. oh well...maybe next year. friday night could have sucked, but i was determined to go out and be a happy member of society. around 7:30, i went over to michele's and we watched some TV, then decided to go over to john o'riordan's party at 11. well, we had to look not-hideous, so after michele got ready, we shuffled through ernesto to g2. fuck you rain. we warded off the cold and wind with some tasty beverages and watched even more television. soon we decided that it was time to depart. so, it rained harder. finally we made it to 1909 and we were promptly pushed into the adjoined house with some bewildered freshman. we should have taken this (and the cop sitting outside) that this party wasn't going to be our cup of tea, but we walked so far and we had to least say hi to john. we make our way back outside (RAIN!!) and into john's house. after climbing the stairs of future doom, we found ourselves surrounded by a billion freshman, all of which insisted on screaming at me that i was on the improv team (thanks, i forgot all about that fact...). we found john, said hello, i was violently poked, and michele and i knew it was time to depart. we began climbing down the stairs and michele (in her caring way) says "be careful, it's wet". "I'm being careful", I respond and no sooner have those words left my lips and i'm thumping down the stairs. ouch. we laughed for a while about it and went AGAIN into the rain. we returned to michele's townhouse to find her roommates in generally good spirits and they taught me to play flip cup (this was of course after we had changed into clothes that were not soaking wet.). michele and jim walked me back to my room because i had to pick up sarah and abby the next day, and i found myself in a mini-hurricane in my room. long story short, my window was "fixed" and i had to sleep in the family room on the futon. grr.

the next day, i was supposed to pick my sister and her friend, abby, up at 30th street at 10:50 am. well, that did not happen. the wires were down all over the place and my parents had to drive them here. meh. saturday was spent hanging out and going to kirks and the townhouses. nik shah even joined us and we had a lovely saturday.

sunday was packed full of fun philly things. first, we went to ritz east with jess, angie, and ali to see "little miss sunshine" (which they had both seen, but they were happy to see it again). GREAT MOVIE...DROP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND SEE IT. funny, poignent, and highly entertaining. after the movie (where we had some great popcorn), the girls and i walked to south street, and in the process, did some sightseeing. once on south street, we just wanted food, but really couldn't decide on anything. we stopped at shops along the way and we bought some fun shirts and stuff at retrospect. finally we found our lunchtime destination. steaks on south. sarah and i split a cheesesteak with wiz and tomato sauce and abby had a chickencheesesteak with wiz and mushrooms. i love wiz. it was AMAZING. sooo good. we bought some more sassy shirts and some hair accessories before returning to la salle. i went to improv practice, where i played more flip cup and had a great time.

today, the girls returned home, i had some quality time with brandon hood on the subway and i read. a lot. and played with our quad kitty...Ky. (joe named it...not me). it's clean and the nicest cat in the world. if anyone is looking for a friendly kitten who just needs a home, please contact me. it makes me sad everytime i see it because it's so tiny and scared and exposed to the elements. if there was no rule against pets, i would have that cat in my apartment sooo fast. sigh.

there mama. there's your update. :)

i'm peachy!

ps: the title is in reference to the album i bought for decoration at retrospect...it's called "Ernie's Hits" and it's the first track on the B side (and one of my favorite sesame street songs ever. that and "If i Could Live on the Moon".