awake is the new sleep

so, i have insomnia this evening. it could have to do with the 3 and a half hour nap i took at 5:30. but it could also have to do with the things running through my head. i cannot quiet my thoughts and it's very annoying. i'm very tired. i really am. but everytime i close my eyes, i think about the same thing i've thought about for the last three years when i'm having trouble sleeping. it's over and i know that, but i guess i'm having trouble accepting it...but i do accept that it's over. i don't want to, but i do. i watched "that 70's show" earlier and it made me cry. that's not what it's supposed to do!

here are some other things that made me cry for no reason
1. hitch
2. seinfeld
3. the life aquatic with steve zissou
4. american revolution class
5. being alone
6. annie hall
7. when harry met sally..
8. my cell phone
9. common sense by thomas paine.

some i can explain, and others make no sense at all. i also want to be happy for my friends, because most of them have great significant others and i do pretend and i know that somewhere deep down in my heart i'm happy, but on the surface, i have a lot of trouble being happy for them. other people aren't having the best time of it and i don't want to pretend that i'm feeling the same way, even though i am. i just want to sleep right now and i can't and that sucks. i want to have someone to have sleep overs with during the week. i'm not saying romantically, but just that person that i can just come over and sleep over like i did at C-71. i really miss that era of my life. it was fun and spontaneous. now, everything has to be planned out weeks in advance or else it just doesn't work. maybe if i end up at the shore this weekend, that time there will make everything feel a little better for just a bit. i'm going to watch TV now. i don't want to be this person. i want me to be the old me. but i guess i can't have that anymore. megan, you're a dumbass.

i wonder if certain people read this anymore?

doubtful.

the peach is a lonely hunter.