sleep: the final frontier

well, it's 5:30 am and I'm still awake. I tried to go to sleep for a few hours, but it wasn't happening. I have a lot of trouble falling asleep lately, except when Jason's here. I try to fool my mind into thinking that he's here so my body will sleep. I'm still getting used to the noises in my apartment, so those keep me up, wondering if that's the heat, or the neighbors...or something else. I thought I was doing everything right: I have a bedtime routine, I stay away from caffeine the few hours before bed, I try to stay away from the computer for the half hour or so before I try sleeping, I read, I stay out of bed unless it's sleepies...I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I was exhausted today. It was almost impossible to stay alert at work and in class.

It's also effecting my emotions. This morning, when Jason left, I got really upset. I cried and I was acting like a little kid. I hate when he leaves on Monday, or I leave him on Mondays. It's just another reminder that grad school didn't go the way I wanted it to, and that all in all, I'm unhappy with the way this year will go. If it had gone well, then we'd be living somewhere together and wouldn't be dealing with a long distance relationship. this one girl at work complains that she only gets to see her husband for a few hours at night, because she teaches in the morning and goes to school at night. hey, at least at the end of the day, she has someone to fall asleep with. if she complains about it again, i'm going to give her a piece of my mind. some of us have to make real sacrifices to go to school...not just not seeing ones husband enough each day. when I was in undergrad, I only saw Jason at nights during the week. i would have liked to have seen him more, but looking back on it, I would love to see him that often now.

I just want to sleep and be done with this whole thing.

i'm generally peachy (just not right now).